Alexi Murdoch - All my days

Third Day- Born Again

DAWN LOADS OF YESTERDAYS....

"What a long strange trip its been"!!! Moving is a traumatic ordeal at any age, but particularly when you have lived in a place for 56 years...the roots grow deep and spread wide....when they get pulled, it is not without much ado....much dirt lifted and ground misplaced....I feel like that plant I pulled up today in the garden....naked, roots dangling, bare and exposed. My friend Sandy Martin says "life is all about changes"...I use to laugh at her and tell her to "shut it"..but it is so very true....nothing stays the same...time does indeed, not stand still for anyone. So given that small but important detail, I press on toward the mark of the high calling to which I have been called by the Lover of my soul...to heights I can not see, over hard roads I would rather not go down...
For some reason the other morning when I got up and looked out my window towards the mountains, through the pines to the sunrise, these words came to me...DAWN LOADS OF YESTERDAYS.....I have yet to know all that these words mean to me, but am beginning to contemplate them ...... so many dawns have come..so many still to see...another chance...another day for beginnings....My good friend and therapist keeps reminding me that I change "from glory to glory"...and though the road is rarely easy, the burden, when placed in the proper hands, is relatively light...
And so, I go on toward the day that has been given me.......I only have this one.....I can bemoan what has passed, or dream towards tomorrow, but today is all I have...not even today, but only this moment....so, go forward my friends....go forward...

SPIRITUAL ASTHMA

I have been sick with the flu for the past 7 days....wow...I forgot how sick you can actually get with that stuff, but how wonderfully my body is made that it can actually try to burn the culprit out by having a high fever!! Amazing...another thing that is amazing is that my physical body has so many spiritual or life applications and analogies! For example, I still have the residue of lung issues....related to the fact that all my life I have been asthmatic......that for 10 to 15 years I have also been a smoker has just compounded the issue, obviously......so this morning as I awoke with that tightness in my chest and the dire need to cough up phlegm, I thought of how it is the same with my spiritual body....when I don't take care of my self, and even sometimes when I AM taking care of myself, the world creeps in and hands me some disease that I must take care of....the disease of busyness, of doubt, fear, resentment, anger, self-mutilation, time wasting, arguing, and so many other things that take my eyes off of Him....off of what is important. And when my focus is lost, when my eyes wander and I am distracted by what this world clamors about, I begin to have signs of soul sickness....my joy gets lost, my heart gets cold, my thoughts unravel, my mind turns loose, my lungs grasp for the spiritual air they need for living in this world! I get sick, I cant' breathe, I cough up the phlegm that gathers there in my spirit needing to be expelled lest it choke out the necessary thing!!! AIR! ABBA! LIFE! Again....I am fearfully wonderfully made...in ALL realms of my being.....the body heals itself.....the spirit heals itself.....the soul heals itself.....BUT not without the proper maintenance!! Food, clothes, water, climate, medicine, rest, love, care, attention....What is true for the body is equally and unequivocally true for the other parts of us....our soul, mind, will, emotions, thoughts and spirit...they must all be tended with equality or we end up sick and asthmatic.....

Mystics

It has been eluded to, that I have in my quest to actually think on my own and begin to know my God, have become a "mystic".
Here are a few definitions of what a "mystic" is.....

A) someone who believes in the existence of realities beyond human comprehension

B) Just as in earthly life lovers long for the moment when they are able to breathe forth their love for each other, to let their souls blend in a soft whisper, so the mystic longs for the moment when in prayer he can, as it were, creep into God. Soren Kierkegaard

C) Someone who has divine intent and who can lift the lid of doubt to comprehend a reality beyond most human understanding. Mystic is from the Greek word - mysticos. Someone who is spiritually aware though not necessarily religious in a religious sense. A mystic is absolutely focused on a path to God. A mystic is heart centred and love is the driving force. A mystic is not aware of being a mystic. If he or she was then they are not mystics. Many may claim to be mystics and of those there are thousands but the true mystic is a discovery of heart.

D) Any Christian can have a mystical experience in the normal course of life, the Christian mystic on the other hand makes a conscious effort to draw near to God through deep prayer and the use of spiritual exercises aimed at opening the heart and mind to God. The mystic may feel overwhelmed by God’s love or power or wisdom and moved to tears, so mysticism is dismissed as overly emotional by some Christian academics.

If these are some of the definitions, then so be it....I confess.....but, like it says above, a "mystic is not aware of BEING a mystic". So, if people call that to a mystics attention, does that THEN disqualify them? Too many rules....can't go there....all I know is that "my determined purpose is to know Him".....if that makes me a mystic, then so be it. I much prefer the title Mystic to the title of Fundamental Evangelical Religious Right. And yet...it is not about labels...labels are for men....it is LOVE not LABELS that matter....and so....as a mystic...I will leave you with this quote ( though there are SO MANY to share!!!)

"We are all of us more mystics than we believe or choose to believe...We have seen more than we let on, even to ourselves. Through some moment of beauty or pain, some subtle turning of our lives, we catch glimmers at least, of what the saints are blinded by; only then, unlike the saints, we go on as though nothing has happened. To go on as though something has happened even though we are not sure what it is or just where we are supposed to go with it, is to enter the dimension of life that religion is a word for." Fredrick Buechner

Ashes

"to grant consolation and joy to those who mourn. To give them an ornament of beauty instead of ashes..." Today, reading, my Father gently reminded me of the pictures I took in Canada of the burnt Kootney Park Forrest. The huge felled trees that had the smallest life form growing right next to it...it intrigued me, but now I can see why more clearly. It is not just that you have "ashes", but that ashes are the REMAINS of something burnt. Something destroyed by intense heat, by a careless act, by an act of God.....still, the fire started, burned, destroyed, smoldered, and the once strong trees are consumed by it....until they have not the strength to stand and must fall to the ground charred, broken, unproductive.....and yet....it is the ashes of these burns that actually FEED the new Forrest....they provide the nutrients and environment for new growth. Something that was once a solid form has changed its state of being. It is now become food for the new and ever changing Forrest. And those new growths bring new life, not only to the Forrest, but to the creatures who live there as they can come feed on the new growth. And so it with my life...with our lives together....we were burnt a year ago, we have fallen, but we are being fed on the ashes and strengthened ...we grow green in the shadow of our once tall standing life. There is life after a burn....from the passersby view, it seems hopeless and devastating...it looks like it can NEVER be pretty again! But to those who know....who have seen these fires....who know the outcome either by experience, or training, or just paying attention, it is a bitter sweet picture. The loss of what was, is sad....but the hope of what that loss will bring is exciting! And so we are...."a burned out Forrest and no one could do anything for me. But You put food in my body, water in my dry bed and to my blackened branches You brought the springtime green and a new life...nothing is impossible for YOU.... You have redeemed my soul from the pit of emptiness, You have redeemed my soul from death."

I learned this verse a million years ago by heart....it seems it may take my lifetime to learn it by "soul"....to allow it to go so deep into the crevices of my being, that when my own thoughts, or others actions attempt to drive me to the depths of despair, I will immediately grab hold of this promise from my Father, remember it and live my life according to the promise rather than by the plea I seem to repeat, that is for the pain to be taken away...for the "cup" of sorrow to be passed over my life. What nonsense. Learning IS this life! Why do I expect any less than that?! Help me Father to remember....remember....remember.....
"Casting the WHOLE of your care, all your worries, all your anxieties, all your concern ONCE AND FOR ALL on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. And after you have suffered a little while (and "little"is obviously seen by an Omnipotent GOD differently than I see it!), the God of all grace, who imparts all blessing and favor, who has called you to His own eternal glory in Christ Jesus, WILL HIMSELF COMPLETE AND MAKE YOU WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE , establish and ground you securely and strengthen and settle you!"
Hello? Can I get an AMEN!!