I learned this verse a million years ago by heart....it seems it may take my lifetime to learn it by "soul"....to allow it to go so deep into the crevices of my being, that when my own thoughts, or others actions attempt to drive me to the depths of despair, I will immediately grab hold of this promise from my Father, remember it and live my life according to the promise rather than by the plea I seem to repeat, that is for the pain to be taken away...for the "cup" of sorrow to be passed over my life. What nonsense. Learning IS this life! Why do I expect any less than that?! Help me Father to remember....remember....remember.....
"Casting the WHOLE of your care, all your worries, all your anxieties, all your concern ONCE AND FOR ALL on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. And after you have suffered a little while (and "little"is obviously seen by an Omnipotent GOD differently than I see it!), the God of all grace, who imparts all blessing and favor, who has called you to His own eternal glory in Christ Jesus, WILL HIMSELF COMPLETE AND MAKE YOU WHAT YOU OUGHT TO BE , establish and ground you securely and strengthen and settle you!"
Hello? Can I get an AMEN!!

Well, you can see why this blog is called HUPOMENO....because "hanging in there" is what my life, on most days, consists of. Which is not a bad thing....it is just my thing. Been an emotional week....dark clouds hang over my heart even as the sun has decided to come out and play. I refuse to go back on antidepressants though...I have gone through the worst year of my life with out those meds, and I will not go back. Hopefully. Lord willing. And so today, in His faithfulness to my ever wounded heart, God puts this reading in my path...
"God is a 1000 times more meticulous with us than even an artist is with his canvas. Using many brush strokes of sorrow and circumstances of various colors, He paints us into the highest and best image He visualizes, if we will only receive His bitter gifts of myrrh in the right spirit. Yet when our cup of sorrows is taken away and the lessons in it are suppressed or go unheeded, we do more damage to our soul than could ever be repaired. No human heart can imagine the incomparable love God expresses in His gift of myrrh. However, this great gift that our soul should receive is allowed to pass by us because of our sleepy indifference and ultimately nothing comes of it. Then, in our barrenness we come and complain, saying,'O, Lord, I feel so dry and there is so much darkness with in me!' My advice to you, dear child, is to open your heart to the pain and suffering and it will accomplish more good than being full of emotion and sincerity."
"The cry of man's anguish went up to God,
"Lord, take away pain:
The shadow that darkens the world You have made,
The close, choking chain
That strangles the heart, the burden that weighs
On the wings that would soar,
Lord, take away pain from the world You have made,
That it love You the more."
Then answered the Lord to the cry of His world:
"Shall I take away pain,
And with it the power of the soul to endure,
Made strong by the strain?
Shall I take away pity that knits heart to heart
And sacrifice high?
Will you lose all your heroes that lift from the fire
Wisdom toward the sky?
Shall I take away love that redeems with a price
And smiles at the loss?
Can you spare from your lives that would climb unto Me
The Christ on His cross?"

STREAMS IN THE DESSERT

If the trees of the fields clap their hands, then the trees of the Canadian Rockies dance with the wind....and do an outstanding job of it I might add!

MAY DAY

You know how that saying goes.."this is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, I always thought that was poppycock.....but I think I may change my mind... you see, today is a very important day in my life. A day that will forever redefine May day for me. Last year at this time, it WAS indeed a cry for help on that explosive May Day.....this year, it will be replaced by a beautiful, meaningful May day....so it could really be called the first day of the rest of my life. Beginnings. Ends. They seem to all run together sometimes. Like the song I was introduced to this week...the one about "where joy and sorrow meet". It seems to sum up the whole of this last year, culminating in today. It is the place at Jesus feet where this phenom occurs. It is a place in the spirit, the heart, the mind, the soul. It can not be touched by human hands. It can not be seen with human eyes. It lies in the mystery of those things that ,unless we are still enough inside, we can not understand. I have learned so much in this last year about myself, and the worth of those things will never be calculated on this side of heaven. So this early morning in May, on May Day, I sit and ponder the pain, the soul searching, the cries, the love, the agony and joy of life...my life....and am thankful that I have lived it....that I have lived through it....that I have lived it in victory, continuing on the journey of my hinds feet on high places....and I thank my God that He has loved me enough to not leave me in the places I have been, but ruffles my nest to move me outward, upward and onward....falling and rising for sure, but always with His wings at the ready to catch me before I hit bottom....And so, with Him at my side, I celebrate this day of new beginnings...it is after all, May Day....

Cycles and Songs

In my life there are cycles. In these cycles, God gives me songs to get me through. Some good cycles but mostly trying cycles. The songs that He gives me provide encouragement, peace, strength, assurance, direction and comfort. Music is to my soul what food is to my body. Sustenance. As I begin this "Easter" week in my life cycle, when my marriage died and He began to resurrect it, God has given me a song. It sustains me. It lifts me out from the dead even while still in the body. It soothes my soul and strengthens my heart. The words are wonderful, but to hear the music that goes with it adds a dimension that words cannot produce. Yet, here are the words that will remain this next week while I endure a rough cycle in my life experience.

All the way my Saviour leads me
Who have I to ask beside?
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my Guide?
All the way my Saviour leads me
And cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the Living Bread.
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me...
All the way my Saviour leads me
And oh the fullness of His love!
Oh the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood!
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it's flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way!
You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me.....

Today in reading, I am struck how, like Abraham, I have doubted that God could take this old marriage, this tattered relationship, these broken people, and make it prosper...but He has. And I, like Abraham, must hold on to the promises that He gave me during the dark night of my soul, and grasp them for dear life as I blindly grapple my way back to the light of day. "Hope being GONE, he hoped in faith and did not weaken when he saw the circumstances before him impossible...but he grew strong and was empowered by faith AS he gave praise and glory to God. Above all, he, Abraham, was fully assured and satisfied that God was ABLE and MIGHTY to keep His word and to DO what He had promised." And so it is with me...all my life, I have had nothing to have faith in except my God. That, I have held on to...and will continue to hold on to, until that day when my faith becomes my eyes....He has never left me, or forsaken me...He has loved me with an everlasting unchanging strong grasping love....that, no one can ever take away from me...though my heart and flesh may fail, He will not.

Job....what a good ol boy...

"Who among all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In His hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind. " And who are the "these" he speaks of? Beast, birds, bushes and fish...."these" know more, believe more, see more than apparently the eyes of man do....they KNOW HIM....they KNOW HIS hand! Do we? Do I? Do we even WANT to?! Or is it too hard, or is it not what WE want to happen, or imagine it to be in our dreams.....have we been so brainwashed by the "have it your way" mentality of this century, that we think we are owed to have it our way?! Obviously so. But His way.....is indeed better. Not perhaps easier, or more lucrative, or glamorous but better...for us and those around us watching. His hand is gentler than the worlds, steadier than mine and much more accurate than those of any leader. Think of it....these creatures and inanimate objects KNOW the hand of the Creator God....look to them...pattern after them...they trust, use instinct, don't worry, do what they were made to do, be what they were made to be....they don't have to figure it out or have endless hours of counseling....they just are what they are and do what they do in keeping with who God made them to be and they function within what they were made to be....and we spend agonizing amounts of time trying to figure all the minute details of that out instead of letting God just lead for us.....go figure.